so the CTCSS thing — what you want is to set the transmit tone (the T-CTCSS or whatever Baofeng calls it in that menu) to 100.0 Hz and leave the receive side either off or open squelch. the receive tone setting is for when YOU want to only hear transmissions that include a certain tone, which is a different thing and not required just to access a repeater. a lot of people leave receive tone off entirely and just let the radio unsquelch on carrier like normal. the simplest way to confirm you're getting into the repeater is to listen for the courtesy tone or tail — after someone transmits on a good repeater theres usually a brief beep or a short carrier drop before squelch closes. if you key up and hear that same thing happen right after your transmission, you're probably making it in. some repeaters also have an ID beep when you first access them. as for etiquette, main thing is just listen before you transmit. if a QSO is going on, wait for a pause between overs before jumping in. most repeater users are pretty welcoming to new folks especially if you just say youre new and checking in — honestly most elmers on a local machine are thrilled when someone new shows up.